Let the food lust begin... (way to lengthy to read)..don't bother, just ranting. lol.

James and I have had an absolutely crazy April! In literally 3 weeks I found out that I passed the bar, James successfully defended his Master's thesis and was asked to stay at the University of Kentucky for his doctorate and to put the icing on the cake we found out that despite everything our doctor told us was possible, that we were expecting again. This by the way was a complete surprise to us. Of course everyday I live with the fear that we are going to go into our ultrasound on May 7th and see nothing that being said, much like in December, I know that I am growing something. In December I called our "baby" the very hungry placenta because even though it didn't grow to where it had a heart beat, there was like a week there where all I wanted was sausage egg and cheese biscuits and chicken nuggets with honey....

Well our new, very hungry placenta- as I am going to refer to it until I figure out if the world is screwing with me is so far a little different then it's previous counterpart- i haven't had any of the cramping that i had which worries me that it's not growing...i'm too scared to take another test to see if my line has gotten darker, but I probably will Monday just to make sure. lol. But the food lusts have officially begun!!!!!

I told my sister in law in December that a pregnancy craving is not like a normal craving, where you want something, it is a need that is so great that it has to be met... In December I salivated over chicken nuggets for about 3 hours before dh went and bought me some. I think my issue is that I already have an overactive olfactory bulb- I've always had an excellent sense of smell but it has been really bad the past couple of days- I walked to work yesterday and at 7 am on a college campus I could have sworn that I smelled cinnamon twists and bean burritos from Taco Bell. I followed it for like 5 minutes, laughing at myself because the only thing that I could smell was taco bell... Then at work, I got this hairspray taste in my mouth that wouldn't go away for the longest time...

This morning in the grocery store i stopped at the little debbie section (which i never do) and stared at this box of yellow cake with chocolate icing for like 10 minutes til my mouth was literally filled with saliva... of course i didn't buy them because I am trying to be good BUT my issue tonight is that we left my bil's house in Louisville this afternoon and about halfway home I got the need the NEED for pork friend rice...now for those of you who haven't been through my lovely state, the area between Lexington and Louisville is a dead zone and the only thing i could think was- where in the hell can i get pork fried rice at 9 pm in the middle of kentucky??? I think it's funny. I have no idea what lies ahead for James and I in the next couple of weeks- this will either be the best mother's day ever or the worse. It's early, I'm not having many symptoms, but I'm holding on to my cravings as a hope that maybe this time it will be alright... I don't really know what to expect- let's face it- we tried everything for a year, they put me on clomid and I miscarried and now out of the blue I show up pregnant???

I made the doctor push my first ultrasound as far back as he would go. He and I went rounds on when I conceived in November/December and my biggest fear is that they are going to try that on me again= which will just lead to multiple ultrasounds. I had so many with my last pregnancy, I nicknamed the Dr's ultrasound wand (Edwardo). Fortunately this time, i know that dh and i messed around on only 7 days this whole month and five of them were in the same week on vacation. I took two tests prior to my positive- one on cd 33 (4/9) and one on cd 35 (4/11) and they were both negative which means the 2 times we messed around prior to vacation were not it- they were well before vacation lol. which literally gives the dr what about a week to argue with???? I ovulated somewhere between cd 23 and cd30 which means that the crappy nurse who was trying to tell me that i was 7 weeks pregnant with 203 hcg level is off by about 2 or 3- which is what the receptionist and I decided...

I know this is a long post- i hope no one took the time to read it. There is so much fear and anxiety and this weird sense of peace all wrapped up into a giant ball that is setting in the pit of my stomach. On one hand, I've been through the worse and I know I can handle it but on the other, wouldn't it be wonderful if this was finally over???