Whiners!

Maybe I'm just really lucky because I haven't reached the stage constant miserableness yet....but there are a bunch of women on my ddc that are bellyaching over the fact that they have yet to have their babies and some of them aren't due til after I am! Yes I know it can be uncomfortable, but this one girl on there is praying that her dr will break her water tomorrow and she's only a week ahead of me. I mean, yeah, I am super excited (and maybe a little nervous and in disbelief that this is getting ready to go down) but you've waited 9 months, can't you wait just like a week or two more? I mean technically I still have 3 weeks and some change but i'm not going to go into my dr next week and beg her to break my water? Like I said, maybe i'm just really lucky to not be at that place yet...but I'm starting to wonder when exactly that phase kicks in... I'm at the stage where if Amelia moves, my whole bump rolls with her...with all the excitement of thanksgiving there for a while, the whole family got a Lord of the Dance performance. I guess i'll see how I feel in a week I just hope I don't get to the phase where I'm begging my dr to break my water. If i do it will probably be more out of impatience then it will out of physical need...or is it true that the worse has yet to come?

one more holiday down!

we're down to t minus 4 weeks!!!! i am so excited! I was so very exhausted by the time everyone left last night...first of all- i love my mil i really do, but she rambles incessantly about people I don't know and when she left at 7 pm I had been stuck in our kitchen with her since 6 that morning. The only time she stopped talking was when she fell asleep on the couch and even then she snored. Bless her heart. Mind you, without her I would have had to cook lunch for 9 and dinner for 30 international students alone so I was thankful that she was there. James took me to the KMART after they left and we got a "my first christmas 2009" stocking for Amelia. James cried when he hung it up. lmao. I love this guy! yet another incentive for her to come prior to santa. I'm trying!!!! i got up with new energy this morning- primarily because i could walk on my feet again and they were not the size of kentucky and my back didn't feel as if it were coming apart so I started washing her blankets and clothes!!!! James and his dad put the crib up yesterday and I'm actually quite proud of my purchase and their job- they only turned one piece of wood incorrectly and you can't see it (which is good because it's not fixable). I'm so glad i took miranda's advice and saved the washing and the folding and the rest of the decorating for these last few weeks. I think it helps with the anxiety and the anticipation. It won't be long now!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving Ladies! I’m sitting here at work. We are extremely slow this week after our horrendous week last week and the only thing I can do is sit here and count the number of hours I have left until I can go home. The holidays have always served as a milestone marker for me though…a chance to reminisce about “where I was this time last year” and yada yada yada. And I start to think about my year and the year that all of my friends have had and think MAN I really hope 2010 is not as dramatic as 2009 was. I remember being in the car with dh on Christmas night 2008. We had just left his aunt’s and was going to his parents’ house and we were talking about the fact that we were going to start trying to conceive. I had been off my pill since October and we were excited because, well, let’s face it, in the beginning you have no idea what lies ahead. I remember dh looking at me and saying “this just feels right…this feels like the Christmas when we should start trying”. We both new there was this certain electricity in the air. Last Christmas we were able to go to our parents houses and tell them about our baby…though we were both ecstatic I knew something was wrong and there was just this underlying current that some how it wasn’t right. Cut to the 2009 drama. Coming into this holiday season though, there’s that same 2008 Christmas electricity. Halloween was exciting not because we did anything crazy but because I knew it was the last year that we had where we wouldn’t have someone toddling around in a costume…the same goes for thanksgiving. When I set the table tomorrow, the thing I will be thinking of is that this time next year I will (god willing) be preparing a high chair as well. And I just feel so, so very blessed. It’s been such a trying year…not just for James and me but for a lot of you and a lot of us have made some very important life changing decisions and I just can’t help but to look at the year we have all had and think about everything that God has done for us over the last year and think about all of the miracles He could work by this time next year. I mean, literally ALL of us could be sitting high chairs (or breastfeeding recycled turkey or be as round as one) by this time next year and I feel a restored since of hope. Just know that you all have been wonderful to me and that this year when I’m at Thanksgiving and thinking about everything that I’m thankful for that you all will be at the top of my list and that I am continuously praying for your own little miracles to come quickly!

36 wk appt

nothing's happening...not that i thought it would. dr said my cervix is soft but closed and still pointed to the back. i think i'm going to go a lot closer to my due date then everyone expects me too... we'll see!

big da tomorrow!

i'm so excited! i start going to the dr weekly tomorrow and tomorrow is my first and only cervical check. not that anyone WANTS to have that done, but it's the first sign i have that this is really going to happen and soon!!!! Today's big new thing is heartburn. I've heard everyone talk about it, but apparently my child no longer thinks that chicken broccoli rice is a proper meal...note taken Amelia. That and I just spent the last half hour trying to shave my legs in our "handicap accessible" shower stall that doesn't have a bench in it... all i have to say is that I would like to meet one handicap person that can successfully use our shower because for me trying to shave my legs in that shower is like trying to weedeat a hayfield while blind folded. in early pregnancy i could hike my leg up to the bar and shave like normal...not so easy when you can't see your feet. my dr is just going to have to deal. Other good news- today was my boss's birthday so she let me go home early! score! my boss is 44 and has never driven on the interstate or in the snow. yes, i'm serious. she's really sweet but almost too nice if you know what i mean...you kinda always wonder what she's got up her sleeve! that was my day...oh and apparently my scary friend has decided to go ahead with the baby shower for dh's department- you know AFTER i went out and bought everything i didn't have...she said that she figured it would be 5-10 people...she sent the evite out this morning and by 4 oclock had 15 rsvps. see...i know people. course it probably doesn't help that we're doing a friday night happy hour at applebees but it's the thought that counts!

small celebrations

Last week was my last full week of work! This week I only work 2.5 days- my big 36 week check up is Tuesday. My dr only checks her patients at 36 weeks to see if and how they are progressing and then she doesn't check you again unless you ask. So I think we're going to just get checked tuesday and then I have an appt every week. I think I decided that if I haven't had her by the 18th I'll have her check me again- that's week 39. I didn't schedule an appointment for christmas week- feeling a little cocky i'm hoping she's here before then. Today I set up the cradle in our bedroom and washed baby socks and mittens. I can't wait to get the crib up Tuesday. OH it's getting close! I'm not pacing the floor yet, but the excitement is building! November has gone by soooo very quickly and December is just around the corner!

and btw- i won't be surprised if my baby slightly resembles Homer Simpson...last night I had some very vivid dreams about doughnuts! I like them, but rarely eat them so it's very odd to dream about them. AND this past week Amelia discovered a new trick. I can now play name that body part! She'll either take her foot and make circles around the top of my stomach or take her knee and try to push it out of my side! It's so neat though when you can sit there and space your fingers apart a couple of inches and feel her foot pushing out...which i then tickle. it generally pisses her off and she moves it away but I enjoy it. My new pregnancy symptom this week is that my hips are trying to fall off. I guess that cartilige part in the front is starting to separate because it's achy. I don't care I just think that within the next week I'm going to start waddling.

33 days!

til christmas! i went and bought Amelia's christmas present today...the 2009 Holiday Barbie. i figured it was the least I could do! i really hope she's here to open it christmas morning! i apologize if i've been mood swingy recently. there are just times when it's better for james to not be in my presence or for him to leave me unattended by the car with a baseball bat in hand. i can't believe the roid rage the last few weeks give you. perhaps it's like pms...you know how you just get really angry or weepy right before you start...maybe i have pregnancy pms???

raising husbands

my mother in law always said that her husband was the only child she ever had that never left home...you would think that she would have taken pity on her future daughter in laws and raised her sons to be better about cleaning up after themselves...NOT! see apparently when your grandparents have 6 children and out of those 6 children you and your brother are the only two around to "carry on the family name" (which i'm sorry people but you have the 12th most common last name in the US...its not in any danger of dying out) you don't have to clean up after yourself. DH did such a wonderful job shampooing the carpets a couple of weeks ago and since then has started his usual stacking ale 8 bottles in the floor with his plates and his wrappers from all his damn sugar free candy...I have tried to be good about this i really have. I haven't said anything but am actually taking some of the board's advice and not cleaning up after him so he can see what a filthy pig he is...but today he crossed the line. we had previously decided to leave the guest bed up in the nursery until the new wore off the baby and the grandmas went home. no big deal. the nursery itself is coming along great UNTIL I got home this evening and noticed that he had thrown a pile of clean laundry (half ass folded in his usual manner) ON THE GUEST BED!!!!! to which you say, dana, why are you wigging over this? why? because with James once you allow ONE load of clean laundry to go onto the guest bed all of the half assly folded laundry goes on the guest bed until one sunday when you lose it and spend 8 hours folding white socks because your husband thinks that the apocalypse is coming and the only thing that is going to save him will be one of the 180000 pairs of white socks he owns (actually about a month ago i split his sock inventory in half and put half of it in a box under our bed just to prevent him from using up all of his socks- so now he has to wash them instead of just continuously running through them)....SO ANYWAY I flipped. and he does this thing when i yell at him about cleaning up after himself where he plays the victim and he starts himming and hawing about what a horrible day he's had and bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch...so at this point i've had it...I just looked at him and asked him if he magically thought that his socks folded themselves and put themselves back in the drawer. I reminded him that we've had joint commission at our hospital for 3 days...that at 8.5 months pregnant I had been at work since 6:45 this morning that that when i got home other than having to trip over trash to get to the bathroom that i was amazed to find his slothfulness had spilled into the room that it took him 3 days to scrub the carpet in and i just bawled. i finally just let it out- he never asks me how my day is...he just assumes that because i don't deal with a bunch of asshole college kids all day that he can nail himself to the cross everytime he screws up and i'm not having it. he's like 'well i need to reshampoo the carpet anyway" to which i respond- what is the fing point of shampooing the carpet if you're just gonna cover it in trash....??? OOOOHHHH i could kill him right now. and if it werent' for the knowledge that my daughter would then have to be raised by my mother in law who wouldn't teach her how to clean I would do it!

dragging it!

I have forced myself to walk the mile and a half two and from work everyday for about 90% of my pregnancy. Today's walk home was painstakingly slow. lmao. I have been dragging it all day. I can tell that Miss Amelia gained her 1/2 a lb last week and boy am I happy about it but MAN!!! It is 9:30 and dammit I'm going to bed.

ode to my husband...

Expectant fathers are almost as bad as we are. I've told James 1000 times that the weekend after thanksgiving i'm going to freeze a few meals, wash Amelia's newborn clothes and her blankets...cut to our conversation last night while he was tucking me in (okay so sometimes it's hard to cover yourself up when your 8.5 months pregnant and wrapped up in your snoogle).

James: "these sheets are still warm from the dryer...they smell really good"
Dana: "I had to use the baby's detergent because we're out"
James: "Does this mean I should start washing her blankets?"
Dana: "No. Not til after Thanksgiving"
James: "Do we even have blankets?"
Dana: "Yes."
James: "But I can't start washing them?"
Dana: "No"
James: "What about her clothes?"
Dana: "I want to wait til after Thanksgiving."
James: "Well then can I at least pack MY bag for the hospital?"
----- i guess you had to be there....
YES fine sweetheart pack whatever you want! lmao. Is some dad freaking out because he has less than 6 weeks? Is some dad worried because his baby's measuring a week and a half a head of schedule? Did some dad's WIFE tell him that this part of the pregnancy was inevitable and encourage him to do some of the other things he's worried about (like his 3 20 pg papers) early in the semester? I think so... HA! I'm glad I am thus far able to keep it together because if not, he'd definitely lose it. I'm going to start taking bets on whether or not he passes out in delivery. any takers?

my fat baby loves to eat...

We just got back in from the dr with no ultrasound. I was disappointed. BUT I'm still measuring ahead of schedule 35.5 days...I told my dr that my goal was to have Amelia here before Christmas and that I was trying to bribe her out. She said it was a good possibility and that I just needed to talk her into it. AND my ob is on call all christmas week (except for christmas) so odds are my actual dr will be delivering my baby- i know! with our hmo it's pretty much whoever is on-call. I go back in 12 days (tuesday before thanksgiving) and then she had me schedule what should be "the rest of my appointments"...so I only have to go 4 more times and then hypothetically I should deliver after that 4th visit!!!! It also means that I get off of work early at least once a week every week starting the week of thanksgiving. darn! eeek- i can't believe it's so close!

another weigh in tomorrow...

more importantly another da with evil B nurse. it will be interesting to see how my blood pressure does with her. with the nice nurse two weeks ago it was a perfect 110/60...that being said if she makes another comment about my weight i may be having my baby in the hoosegow. We go tomorrow and then again the tuesday before thanksgiving and after that every week til she gets here! i can't wait! we're soooo close! i have been talking to the baby all week- i told her that she doesn't have to gain more than necessary this week if she doesn't want to but i asked her to PLEASE stick her butt up as far as it will go. if i'm measuring ahead of schedule I may actually be allowed to have another ultrasound, which would be great! i haven't seen my baby in 14 weeks! we were getting to see her every month...that's what happens when the fertility dr sends you to a normal clinic...they treat you like normal and it sucks. lol. so- wish me a lot of "baby got back" dust!!!

birthing class...

I'm waiting on my laundry to finish and didn't want to do one long post. We had our birthing class on Saturday...after 6 hours of watching other women give birth naturally I am pretty sure at this point I'm getting the drugs. They only did about an hour of counterpoint pressure relief and very few breathing techniques but i feel like I learned a little...i have the boards, so most of the stuff I've already heard of...eye opening experience for James though. He's going to be a great coach I know it that being said he was talking to Amelia last night and tears just started streaming down his face and he went into a 3rd degree mental meltdown about all of the stuff that could go wrong with our delivery. When push comes to shove, he's not over our loss and is scared to death that somethings going to happen during delivery. I just told him to have faith and that God has our back on this. That the best we could do was to stick together and not panic and be prepared...i mean, what am I supposed to tell him, that its not going to hurt? lol. I think that's when it dawned on me that my pregnancy is almost over. I relaxed for a while today at work and just sat there with my hands on my stomach, feeling Amelia play around and thinking about how much I'm going to miss her being in there. And as excited as I am about what comes next, I know at least that a lot of these little private moments are going to be gone soon and I'm starting to realize not only does she have to come out but that soon I'm going to have to let other people hold her, that she's going to be out and exposed to the world. That involves a lot of trust and faith. I just hope that I can sit back and let James be the dad he's going to be. My goal is to not monopolize my baby and let other people try. It's a very very big step for me and my ocd!

dh is sick!

After a pretty eventful weekend- birthing class and a baby shower, James collapsed last night in our bed and hasn't left the house since. I've been trying to get him to go to the dr. My fear is of course, h1n1, but i think it's just normal flu- i've had that shot. our friends apparently brought it with them from michigan. they blame james for giving it to the wife, but she and her hellion of a three year old were coughing and hacking when they got here...but at least not feeling well could be an excuse for their 3 year old (other then the fact that he's 3 and his parents "don't believe in naps")...i shit you not. Normally when the P's bring Mr. O to visit, he's a little hyper- most of the time i blame it on his age despite the fact that the kids I used to nanny for never did any of the following: 1) use my dehumidifier as a shape sorter, 2) take an apple off the counter, sit down and bite it, decide they don't like it and spit the peel onto the floor, 3) tell their father that they hate them, 4) attempt to slam the door on another mildly behaved 3 year old, 4) eat cupcakes for breakfast...and finally 5) take Aunt Dana's fruit arrangement sticks and use them to poke your mother in the face and then proceed to pee all over the guest room floor when your parents spank you for being "an asshole" (in the words of the parents). Needless to say it was a very long weekend and James and I both learned some very valuable lessons. such as- keep all sharp objects higher than 4 ft...anything can be used as a sharp object...naps are vitally important if not for the child then for the parent...always take toys for your child to play with when you travel...and how about- don't call your kid an asshole. So much like I do with all of you, I listen, watch and take mental notes in hopes that I will have it just a hair easier then my friends.

yet another friend who's playing this game of... (long)

something wonderful is happening to you so let's make it about me!!!! As suspected the friend that canceled the shower is mad because i told her there was no reason to reschedule. The reasons i gave her were trifold-1) it's too close to the holidays and everyone is going to be out of town, 2) the baby is measuring ahead of schedule and my due date is inching forward, 3) she has too much going on in her life right now to be worrying about throwing me a stupid shower. This girlfriend of mine and I used to be very very close before she got pregnant. I went through her first loss with her and then when she got pregnant I spent countless upon countless hours on the phone with her and with email trying to be supportive and then when she had her son she completely fell off of the face of the earth after she asked me to move in with her for the summer and take care of her son...mind you I was married at the time and was waiting for my first round of bar results to come in and we were ttc our own at this point. So she looked at me and said "well, maybe you'll fail the bar then you could study here all summer and watch the baby and just go home and see your dh on the weekends." I think that was a turning point in our relationship. Since then things have been a little rough and we'll get to a patch where we'll smooth things over but it'll never be the same. Primarily because she actually wished that I would fail the bar so that I would move in with her and was shocked when I said no. Cut to yet another bar failure with a response of "well, you could've just nannied for me all summer then couldn't you've?" Bar studying continues as does the months of infertility...and whereas when she didn't get pregnant her first cycle I spent hours listening to her complain about not getting pregnant months go by for us and when I ask her for advice I believe her response was "it's just stress". Even when I had my PCOS ultrasounds in my hand I couldn't get anymore of a response out of her then that...that's why I found bz... Started clomid, had a miscarriage...to make me feel better she brings me 5 bags of maternity clothes. That's when it really got to me. I threw them in the back of my closet and thought what in the HELL am I going to do with 5 bags of maternity clothes?

SO I got this simpering email from her tonight about how she let us down and how i did so much for her when she was pregnant with her son and about how she loved us she just hadn't been showing it recently and my inital response was "RECENTLY?" How about where in the hell have you been for the last two years? I just sent her a reply telling her that it was no big deal, don't beat yourself up, a lot going on yada yada yada but now I feel guilty for being mad at her for moving the first shower date (for her high-flutting yard sale) and for upsetting her by not "letting" her throw me a shower. And it's all just very very stupid. This is why I have very few irl girlfriends- i just can't handle their drama. Am I being completely selfish? I thought I was being nice and saving her the hassle but apparently I just created one.

3rd trimester fashion statement...

Apparently the third trimester is where all fashion designers give up... everything fits and looks cute at the end of the second trimester....then you hit the third- your butt explodes and your stomach expands to the point where your cute stretchy maternity pants no longer stay put but actually roll down under your belly leaving about 2 inches of stretch marked pregnancy belly exposed...I think it is at this point the designers just go "who cares- throw a damn tarp on it and go on" because i think at this point tarps and moomoos are the only thing left that will fit. I refuse to continue to fund the designers trimester biased though so I think i'm just going to stick it out and deal with it!

the cancelled shower

One of our friends that was going to host one of our showers mom was sick and had to cancel. She had moved the date once because she wanted to have a yard sale that day instead and then had to cancel the rescheduled one to go see her mom. We had no problem with this. Her mom was in the hospital for crying out loud. Well since then she's been trying to get me to set a new date for our shower and there just isn't enough weekends left to do it. I feel really bad because I know she feels bad for having to cancel, but it wasn't her fault. Tonight I finally just told her that we didn't have the time. Our dr has cancelled all of our holiday plans and advised us to stay close to the house after thanksgiving since we don't really know when Amelia is coming. She mentioned having a welcome to the world party after she gets here but she wants to do it on January 2nd or 9th...yes- because I'm going to put my 2 week old in a car and drive it 45 minutes in the snow during flu season... I may not be mom of the year material, but ummm no. hopefully she'll understand. It's just that everyone that was going to go to the shower for the most part have already made arrangements to come see us prior to the big push anyway. Plus, i'm not going to lie- i'm tired of running. I'm ready to stay at home and finish nesting. Mom is coming back up the weekend of the 14th to drop off our swing and our bouncer and then I'm done people. lol. i plan on sleeping through those last 4 weeks, because between the time change and the constant running- this poor baby is wearing me out. I'm loving every minute of it...but i cherish all the sleep i get at this point!