yet another friend who's playing this game of... (long)

something wonderful is happening to you so let's make it about me!!!! As suspected the friend that canceled the shower is mad because i told her there was no reason to reschedule. The reasons i gave her were trifold-1) it's too close to the holidays and everyone is going to be out of town, 2) the baby is measuring ahead of schedule and my due date is inching forward, 3) she has too much going on in her life right now to be worrying about throwing me a stupid shower. This girlfriend of mine and I used to be very very close before she got pregnant. I went through her first loss with her and then when she got pregnant I spent countless upon countless hours on the phone with her and with email trying to be supportive and then when she had her son she completely fell off of the face of the earth after she asked me to move in with her for the summer and take care of her son...mind you I was married at the time and was waiting for my first round of bar results to come in and we were ttc our own at this point. So she looked at me and said "well, maybe you'll fail the bar then you could study here all summer and watch the baby and just go home and see your dh on the weekends." I think that was a turning point in our relationship. Since then things have been a little rough and we'll get to a patch where we'll smooth things over but it'll never be the same. Primarily because she actually wished that I would fail the bar so that I would move in with her and was shocked when I said no. Cut to yet another bar failure with a response of "well, you could've just nannied for me all summer then couldn't you've?" Bar studying continues as does the months of infertility...and whereas when she didn't get pregnant her first cycle I spent hours listening to her complain about not getting pregnant months go by for us and when I ask her for advice I believe her response was "it's just stress". Even when I had my PCOS ultrasounds in my hand I couldn't get anymore of a response out of her then that...that's why I found bz... Started clomid, had a miscarriage...to make me feel better she brings me 5 bags of maternity clothes. That's when it really got to me. I threw them in the back of my closet and thought what in the HELL am I going to do with 5 bags of maternity clothes?

SO I got this simpering email from her tonight about how she let us down and how i did so much for her when she was pregnant with her son and about how she loved us she just hadn't been showing it recently and my inital response was "RECENTLY?" How about where in the hell have you been for the last two years? I just sent her a reply telling her that it was no big deal, don't beat yourself up, a lot going on yada yada yada but now I feel guilty for being mad at her for moving the first shower date (for her high-flutting yard sale) and for upsetting her by not "letting" her throw me a shower. And it's all just very very stupid. This is why I have very few irl girlfriends- i just can't handle their drama. Am I being completely selfish? I thought I was being nice and saving her the hassle but apparently I just created one.