i may be a horrible person...

or right on my money. I think I've mentioned to you a few times that I've been having a lot of trouble with my dad recently. Since we found out we were pregnant, right after his surgery he has done nothing but called me obsessively and asked me to drop everything i'm doing to do small stupid stuff for him- like burn a cd for his girlfriend (who he won't let me meet), etc. About a month ago I told him that the obsessive phone calls needed to stop- i'll go to a movie and he'll call 6 times because i didn't answer my phone...or this past weekend I told him i was going to moms and would be out of town and because he likes to aggravate my mom he called me twice yesterday. I didn't answer. So he called me tonight when we were at dinner (my phone was at home) so I didn't answer. SO HE CAME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND BANGED ON MY DOOR TO DEMAND WHY I WASN'T ANSWERING HIS CALLS. And we wound up getting into it. He told me that he thought concerned parents talked to their kids more than once in a blue moon and i told him that i didn't know why now was any different then prior to me getting pregnant and that if he didn't call just to aggravate me it would be a different story. He said that when he had his surgery he had a glimpse of death and he realized that he wouldn't be here forever. I told him that he was only 55 and that if he started obsessing about death now (which most people in his family tend to do about that age) he would spend the rest of his life worried about dying and would forget to enjoy the time he had left and that if he was so worried about dying alone then he should have realized that before I was 28 and shouldn't have ignored me until he figured out that I may become something he could suck money off of. Anyway it didn't end well. I told him that I wanted our relationship to go back to the way it was- that he should go back to calling me about every 6 weeks and we could do breakfast. i just can't handle him anymore. i'm very tired. and i thought he would get the picture and stop calling- he asked me if i was surprised that he came over and I told him that i figured he would but that I thought he would call a few more times before resorting to that but that i knew he wouldn't leave me alone. he treats me like i'm an insurance client. i think he got the point. i almost made him cry but i don't think it's because he really wants me in his life so much as he's afraid that he's going to die and no one would have cared. for that i am sorry but it's not my fault that he has alienated everyone that has tried to get close to him that he's loud and rude and obnoxious and racist... i don't know what to do apparently there is no line with him- it's either a cats cradle situation or my life will turn into a very long episode of King of Queens. Am i being a bad person? i don't feel bad for standing up for myself. I feel sorry that he's alone but that's not my fault. i don't know what to do. i wouldn't mind amelia having him in her life but i don't want him living with us or calling me 4 or 5 times a week or thinking he can stop by whenever he wants. what do i do?

Post Apocalypse

If I were not afraid of embarrassing myself in front of my friends I would take pictures of the state of my apartment post/mid move in. I love my husband more than anything that being said there is always one weekend a year where if I could strangle him and literally watch the life drain out of his body I would...that weekend is freshman move-in. My first year the wife of a hall director I stayed in the trenches, held up the fort and fought the good fight...literally- we were at each other's throats because to James there is no such thing as "put things away" on most days but I'd have to come up with a whole new phrase for the tornado that ravages my apartment when those mini vans roll onto campus. I walked into my apartment tonight (after hiding out on the farm for the past 36 hours in a desperate attempt to avoid the eye of the storm)...I opened the back door and literally started looking for some sort of jungle vine with which to swing over the junk that has accumulated in front of my back door...now to put this into context, I'm 22 weeks pregnant and have never been a slight woman or a graceful woman so tiptoeing through the kitchen for me is the equivalent to a marching band campaigning through china shop. That being said, God help us- the brunt of move in will be over tomorrow and I will have 364 days to repair the damage to my tiny apartment before I have to do it all again next year!

update!

I had my 22 week appt today. i have already gained 15 lbs- 4 of which i've put on since my last appointment- scary! Amelia is growing right on target though- 21 w 5 d. my dr is joking about my baby being the reason she'll have to work christmas, but i have a weird feeling she'll come on the 22nd- dunno why. As for the state of the rest of my life, it's MOVE IN which means my apartment is a disaster. I learned after my first year of being married to James that the 11th commandment of our marriage is "thou shalt not clean during move-in". So every august i just go ahead and let him tear it to pieces and then spend most of september cleaning it back up for the pending holidays. i wish i could skip september! it seems like everyone else's pregnancy is flying by except mine. we leave for vacation on 10/2 so if i could just skip ahead to 10/1 I would be SO very happy. It's so funny though- i've had 4 people offer to throw me showers and all but one and a half of them have backed out. not that i care, but i have one who is supposed to be doing my family shower who is on the fence about it and it's like you know- if you don't want to do it that's fine, but will you let me know so i can invite those that do want to come to my remaining shower? i'm not trying to be mean, but why would you offer to throw someone a shower and not follow up???

you know you're pregnant when...

I won't lie. I have been so very lucky to be asymptomatic through this pregnancy. I mean, i've been sick 3 times...darn. That being said I still have to remind myself I'm actually pregnant unless one of the following things is occurring:

#1- i eat...which usually leaves me in a state of food coma
#2- i sneeze... apparently around that 19-20 week mark pregnancy comes with a surprise...when you sneeze you pee a little...it's hilarious. I have always wondered my my pregnant friends wore pantyliners (i know some of them do it their last month in case their water breaks- it only adds a split second of time but sometimes that's enough) I thought it was for the leukoherra...nope it's for the pee. Being that Amelia is rapidly approaching a pound i'm assuming the sneeze and pee reaction will occur more frequently

#3- i sit...my butt goes numb...as do my legs...and my other unmentionable body parts...okay- i will admit when your unmentionable goes numb you kinda have to laugh...i just sit here and wonder- what in the HELL is she sitting on?

#4- i sleep- and apparently what is comfortable for me is NOT comfortable for her and she presses on what every nerve she can find to get me to roll over...cut to last night when i was flipping sides and elbowed dh in the head...he said ouch... i told him that the baby made me do it.

#5- i get kicked...i'm actually having trouble in the kicking department. i have an anterior placenta and it softens the blow from all those precious little kicks my dh should be able to feel by now...i can feel her kicking and moving on the inside but not on the outside. Amelia prefers to lay low in my abdomen though and so every now and then she will kick the inside of my cervix...not a contraction but boom haha gotcha...

so she's there and she apparently is learning to make her presence known

updates...

I'm getting bad at this blogging thing. primarily because i keep in touch with the 3 people that read it on almost a daily basis. we found out last thursday that we are having a girl. I KNEW IT!!!! my dh just kept staring at the photos going "my little girl...i need a shotgun". and then he went out and bought her a little UK cheerleader outfit. he's so cute about the whole thing. we decided to say screw it to those who would say "i wish it were a boy" and told everyone. I think my mom was a little disappointed, but i told everyone straight out of the gate that it was a girl so i don't know why they were surprised. lol. from now on they will trust my instincts. with my old due date rapidly approaching i feel very little mourning over my previous lost. what was an unclimable mountain in january has now become a distant memory and a bump in the journey to the start of my family. i'm actually proud of myself. i remember just laying there praying that i would be "very pregnant" by the time my original due date came along and here i sit with 19 weeks left to go and know that someone was listening. So my beautiful baby may not be want her grandma wanted or what our friends thought we were getting but she's just what we needed and we both feel insanely blessed at this point!

how quickly things change...

So James and I decided that we would go and tour the labor and delivery department of the hospital today- which all of my friends asked us why we would do something that silly... the answer is "BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY KEEP THE BABIES"!!!!! I had no idea where labor and delivery was or the nursery. My "dear" friend was trying to tell me to just go check into the ER- ummmm NO! I do not plan on reinacting 9 months. Anyway- I loved the L & D. They let us preregister and then they gave us a tour. They took us back to one of the HUGE birthing rooms- hardwood floors and windows- so much nicer then it used to be! We walked into the delivery room and that's when it hit me...that this thing growing inside of me has to come out...not only does it have to come out but that it was going to hurt. I took one look at James and I think he saw me go white because he put his arm around me and smiled. The delivery beds break away so that at the end when you push you're laying there with your legs in the stirrups and your ass in the air. AND they have these two HUGE spotlights they shine down on your area. The nurse was saying that you could have up to 4 people in there with you when you deliver and the only thing i could think was "who in the world would want to see this if it wasn't their kid"??? So that's when I decided that I am SO going to have an epidural. The fear got me. I have to admit, I'm scared. I had this image of me having this fabulous natural birth and not finding out what it was until the dr said, there "it" is and literally my whole birth plan and concept were shot to hell in one glance at the bed. I do intend to labor as long as I can before getting the epidural. They said that I had until 8 cm to make the call. i know that you are supposed to make it to at least 4 or it will slow down your birth. My personal goal is 6. They also said that they would automatically lay the baby on you if you wanted and dh and i decided that we don't do well with goo and that we will let the nurse take the baby over to the warmer (which stays in the room) and clean it up. the thing that impressed me the most is that you can't "send" your baby to the nursery for the night. they have a 24 hour sleep in policy and unless you have had a c section or have been laboring for so long you're exhausted, the baby stays in your room with it's little home arrest braclet on its leg. I'm so excited and nervous. Tomorrow is the big ultrasound. I know it's a girl, but it will be nice for me to be able to tell everyone that i'm right! lol.