dads....

I am the first to admit that i have issues with my father. He has become increasing intolerable in the last 6 months. He is a 56 year old bachelor that believes that a woman's place is in the kitchen. I am a 28 year old pregnant attorney who often strongly wishes she could take a lead pipe to his head. His father has been diagnosed with dementia and my dad is starting to show early signs. He had his gall bladder taken out in March and being that he is a severe hypochondriac worried about his pending death until I literally wanted to kill him. He is also a bit of a man whore. I know that I have a half brother that lives with his mom in Japan that I will never meet. My dad's goal in life is to literally collect a UN of women that he has slept with and being that I am the closest thing to a son he will ever have he feels the need to tell me things that no dad should ever talk to his daughter about in attempt to make himself "not feel old". Really he's just a very dirty old man. Coming out of his anesthesia he mentioned that he is seriously dating someone and though he won't fill me in on the details, he is having me make a cd for him to give this woman. He really upset me after his surgery with all his demands and I actually went off on him and told him that I wish that he would get remarried so I wouldn't have to shoulder the overwhelming responsibility of taking care of a chauvinistic, paranoid, hypochondriac for the rest of my life. People on my father's side of the family do not age well. After about 55-60 they literally set and wait for death and do nothing but bitch and whine and drive everyone around them nuts. My great-grandmother used to shoot a double of whiskey every night before she went to bed after having cared for my grandfather all day. My father is just like him and I refuse. I bear no responsibility for this man who only started to pay attention to me when I went to college and that was just to try to bum money off of me and then after I graduated law school and passed the bar tried to pawn me off as "his success". The only good thing he ever did for me is ignore my existence. Not a day goes by where I don't regret telling him about my baby so early because he is literally pestering the shit out of me. Say a prayer. i would love to see my father remarry within the next year because (i'm not trying to be mean) but i would love to go back to a world where he doesn't remember that I exist. Keep your fingers crossed!

bright lights big city

so after having an awesome weekend in nyc with my dh- two days later i am still dragging it. i don't know if you grow a particular baby part in week 14 that makes you more tired than normal or if the baby is still pissed that we chose to walk nyc on saturday but last night i went to bed at 8:30 and slept through the night and i'm getting ready to turn in for another 8. boy am i tired!

i'd hate to have to "beat a ho", but

we had our nt ultrasound this morning and the baby wasn't laying right, so the tech kept using the doppler to band on my belly to get the baby to roll over. Then when it finally gave in and turned over she DUG into my belly with her wand. It hurt!!! I thought my dh was going to beat her. I really did. And James is not an aggressive guy. Then she did the measurements and started asking about the spinal history of our family- dh had a cousin with spina bifida, etc and then she said that she had to "go get the dr"...my heart sank. We've always agreed that no matter what was wrong with the baby, we would raise it OBVIOUSLY- we're not going to struggle for a year and a half with infertility and get rid of a baby because it has a few health issues. Nevertheless I was wigging. The dr I recognized as a dr we have credentialed in my hospital as a high risk dr and we had to wait like half an hour before she came up from L & D. She explained the nt test to me and what it meant and then told me that the whole purpose for coming up to our exam room was to type in the measurement the tech took and to move my due date up a week. AHHH! the baby's nt measured at 1.6 mm and i think it has to be over 3.3 before they get concerned. Our new due date is now 12/24 which is great because it means I am not going ANYWHERE for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Boy they had me going! Dh just kept saying that the hospital needs a pacing room for fathers. lol. i think he was as worked up as I was. What an experience! At least I got to hear the heartbeat loud and clear- 158 today. And of course we got to see it! waving, flicking the tech off for beating it, etc. nice to know the baby has my sense of impatience and is also NOT a morning person.

Make room for the lonely goatheard...

I've always heard that having a girl takes away your beauty and boys add to it...if this is true i must be having triplet girls!!!! what is with the HAIR??? this is really gross. I'm used to having a little extra hair here and there that can be plucked out because of my pcos, but it seems like within the last 3 weeks it has really REALLY taken flight! My eyebrows are rushing for my eyelids- i look like that vampire kid from that twilight movie (dude, seriously...pluck)! in addition to that I am sporting some awesome sideburns which have apparently met and mated in my neck area. my neck has seriously gotten so bad it's impossible to pluck it all in one round. and my hands!!!! wth! i have a line of stubble from my pinky to my wrist... i literally look like something that Harry from Harry and the Hendersons would have found attractive. I know that I am not the only one. one of the girls from my ddc says that if it wasn't for veet she would look like a 70s porn star right now, but i'm so afraid of chemicals. Oh well- if the plucking continues at least by the time the baby arrives my nerve endings will be deadened from the pain of being plucked and replucked.

oh and another thing...my mil is REALLY starting to get on my nerves. this is a new thing for me. i don't know if it's because I've been with her for 3 of the last 5 weekends but she talks incessently about her extended family (none of which I have ever met and most of whom have serious drug and or baby daddy issues) but she WON"T STOP talking about them! and i don't know if it's because she doesn't have any friends to talk to or what but geez woman! we say a commercial about autism awareness and she just kept on talking about her great niece who has a son with autism who she thinks is autistic because she thinks his mom took drugs and yada yada yada...i need to get her a rocker so she can set on the porch so people from all around the county can come to her and ask her advice which will end with a story about someone else who had a kid who knew somebody and you know that somebody is.... i literally made my dh take me out to lunch today because I couldn't take the babbling. I love my mother in law i really do. she's better to me then my own mom, but seriously, can someone spot me a mild tranq so i can put her out every now and then so i can just relax???

Baby Wigglebutts

What a wonderful day! We have been truly blessed! We went in today for a mere intake appointment with our OB clinic with the Nurse Practitioner and I don't know if they told her I was coming and was neurotic or if she was just a genuinely nice person, but we had an awesome appt...despite the hour long question session and the seven vials of blood they took from me...we got to see the baby and hear a little bit of the heartbeat. She tried to do just a belly u/s but couldn't get a good measurement because the baby could NOT stop moving! So she did a vaginal ultrasound and Baby Wigglebutts (i want to call it Mrs. Wigglebutts, but dh doesn't want to admit that it is a girl yet) was flipping any which way she could to keep us from getting a good measurement...we saw everything- the toes, the hands, the hemispheres of the brain and she would stretch like she was going to let us measure her and then flip. CRAP! oh well. The nurse measured us and said I would be 10 weeks tomorrow, which is right smack in the middle of our Vegas trip- if it's 10 weeks to the day then i ovulated the day we went to the grand canyon and I know we didn't mess around that day- so it would have been the day before or the day after...i don't really care which. She moved our due date back to 12/30, which is nice because no one really wants their kid to have a Christmas birth...all my friend from high school complained about was getting jipped on presents because her birthday was 12/13. So we'll see. the important thing is that Baby Wigglebutts is still in there and still very much growing!!!! my mother has already started in on me about my weight (i've gained 3 lbs) and how she doesn't want a "booger-picking grandson" but you know what- she's just gonna have to deal...if my kid wants to pick its nose...well then really, its going to have to go the bathroom, but that's okay- we're happy with our little wigglebutt!!!

what?!

So...i called my best friend from high school today who has, shall we say gone over to the dark side since we graduated college together to see how she and her 2 heathen children were doing... She told me that they were doing fine but that they had their WIC appointments today and that the WIC lady was a little concerned that her children are underweight so that had to go back in to reweigh them today. She said that their appointment in March her dd who will be 2 in July weighed 19 lbs and her son who will be 4 in August was 34 lbs...34 lbs at 3 and a half years old!!!???? and AND he's still not potty trained! she doesn't want to put him in preschool next year, because she wants to hold him back a year. I have sworn up and down since the day her ds was born that the state would take him before he was 5...the state has yet to take him and after seeing what I see in court, i'm surprised. Her dh works on oil wells so all 4 of them load up in the truck every morning and drive all over the western part of my state checking his rigs...the kids spend about 8 hours a day in a truck. I don't know much about parenting, but I really think there is something desparately wrong with this situation! I used to KNOW this girl! We have literally been through almost everything together until she met her dh. Since then she's been off her rocker- she won't work, her house is covered in cat poop (i went and cleaned it out when her ds was born)- i mean it is absolutely disgusting!!! i wish i could help...but what do you do when someone completely loses their mind?

sibling rivarly with the inlaw???

okay...i'm pretty sure that I am going to kill my brother in law soon! Just wanted to let you know in case they lock me up and you do not know where I went...i'm in jail, but I won't be for long because if any of the jurors had ever met him they would say "justifiable homicide". He and his fiancee are driving me NUTS!!! They are getting married in 6 weeks and have NOTHING done and have decided all of the sudden that we have to make up for the short comings of their planning. Hello- failure to plan ahead on your part does not constitute an emergency for me. They picked the venue because one of dh's cousins got them a hella deal on this beautiful historic home which comes with it's own wedding coordinator- that being said, if the wedding coordinator isn't responsible for it- it's not done. 6 weeks and they do not have a videographer, a photographer, A MINISTER, a flower girl and she only has one of the two wedding dresses that she just has two have (don't ask)...AND and...i was trying to encourage my bil to get measured for his tux because let's face it he's 6 ft 6 and it's wedding season. But he told me that he wasn't going to get measured for his tux until two weeks before the wedding because when he got married last time in February in California they told him that they only needed 2 weeks to get it in and he was able to pick in up in DC for his wedding...and i think that that is what makes me mad...it's not that they are completely unprepared and making us all fix it (i'm dj-ing btw...i have to pick all of the songs for the wedding and the ceremony -including their first dance and upload it to an ipod) it's that i know that they're completely unprepared and I know everything is going to be wonderful and turn out better then ours and that my bil will quickly comment on it and then shortly thereafter the groom will become a uniq...he didn't even come to our wedding- he went to Vegas because he didn't want to come to our wedding because he didn't want people to ask him about his ex and why they broke up...i really really hate this guy...and i pray every night before i go to bed that the genes are recessive....

on another note...let's add to the things that he has done...when we got pregnant and told everyone christmas he told his parents "I told 'girlfriend' that giving you all a grandbaby would be the best Christmas present she could give you all". Literally the room fell silent- i don't even think that the cats meowed. We just all turned and looked at him and no one was going to say it, but dammit it was my night and I just said, "you know Mike...it's not that we don't want you and girlfriend to have children...it's just that we think you oughta take care of a couple of steps first...you know like getting engaged or taking a trip to the courthouse." Everyone just laughed...but seriously who does this???

This has continued though dh's aunt made a comment to me at the family reunion last august about how she was looking forward to us having kids and bil overheard it...and he rushed over to his girlfriend- who he HADN"T BEEN DATING FOR A YEAR YET and asked her if anyone had asked her about when they were having kids and since then- IT'S ALL HE'S TALKED ABOUT!!!! Oh when (i've got to use her name) Phuong and I have kids....when Phooney Whooney and I have a baby...and now that I am pregnant again it's 300x worse he'll walk up to her and pat her stomach and ask her IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE FAMILY when she wants to have one...he's asked me for all my fertility books, my baby books and told me to give her tips on trying to conceive...okay..i need to learn to set this blog to private...but first of all she's 38, which is fine, she's still got time my mom had my sister at 40, no problem but he's also told us that apparently she has a raging (read pustulous) case of hpv...which apparently all of the sudden got "cured"...so either he's lying or she didn't have it or it's in remission, but seriously, if you had something like that, would you want your boyfriend blaring it over the speaker to everyone in his family about your raging std that you caught off your cheating boyfriend! I feel so so very bad for her...and I know my bil is her last ditch effort at getting married and having a family and god bless her for being able to put up with him and taking him out of our hands, but there is no WAY i would ever tolerate dh doing that to me in front of his family!!!!!

so anyway. i hope you haven't read this far, but my main issue is that we're going to the farm this weekend to see my in-laws and celebrate my dh's and his father's birthday and instead of it being about that he's coming in tomorrow and it's going to just be about the wedding...if i make it through this weekend without killing him, i'm applying for cannonization. thank god my child can't hear yet because if it could and it accidentally thought that my bil was it's father, i am for sure that it would willing take the umbilical cord wrap it around it's neck and jump...believe me...we all want to!!!