infertility nightmares

so they apparently never stop... last night 17w 6d into this shebang and i got hit with a ttc nightmare. One of the girls that I keep track of just had her ivf the other day and one of the last posts I read on-line was about her inability to freeze her leftover eggs. Que dream footage. I was at home and my RE had just extracted my eggs and fertilized them and had left them in my fridge. I go to my fridge and open the door to see a 12 pack of "fertilized" chicken eggs (that were supposed to have come from me). And in my dream I thought "i need to cook them to make them grow". So I gathered my eggs and put them in a large pot and let them boil only to discover that your not supposed to boil fertilized eggs! They are supposed to be left in the fridge! And my RE couldn't implant any of the eggs of mine that he had fertilized because I had cooked them. I don't know what this means about my parenting skills... coupled with my reoccuring nightmare that I can't get my baby girl to breastfeed because she keeps getting distracted social services will probably be at the hospital and ready to take the baby away from me the minute it pops out.

attack of the preggers...round 2

so this morning i got up and got ready and got dh up and got him ready and we drove all the way out to the ob's office only to discover that our appointment is tomorrow! what's worse is that i handed the nurse my appt card that said July 21, 2009 on it and said, but see i have an appt with my doctor...she just looked at me and said- this is tomorrow. i felt so stupid. after my brother in laws wedding this weekend i'm not surprised.

After this wedding I told my brother in law that he had used up all of his Dana favors for about 5-7 years…I wasn’t joking. It is a Vietnamese custom that the grooms family goes to the brides family’s house to pick the bride up for the wedding. His fiancée called him yesterday morning= the day of the wedding- at 7 am to tell him that his Scion was not good enough for him to pick her up in and that he needed to call and rent a luxury car to pick her up in… what kind of luxury car can you get at 7:30 on a Sunday? He called and said they had one we got to the place and it was a white Hyundai SUV…that was the luxury car he picked her up in. I just rolled. That AND- you’ll love this one- she made my sister in law and I make two matching wreaths to cover up the signs on the building where the wedding was but wreaths have a huge whole in the middle of them of course and she didn’t like them and told us to put white cloth over the back of them…my question is- where do you get white cloth at 1 in the morning on a Sunday…that’s right- james came up with a solution- he went and got a pair of his white boxers that he never wears and cut them up for us to hot glue on the back of her precious wreaths. So the whole wedding Catherine and james and I are setting there staring at the wreaths knowing that the whole wedding was being “held together” by my husband's underwear. Lmao! I’m just soooo glad it’s over. i told my brother in law that I wasn’t coming to his third wedding so this one better last!

attack of the preggers...

all i have to say is that thus far my hormones have been fine- unless you are either my father or my brother in law both who are annoying people normally but have become "i wish i could choke you irritating" since march. in the last 2 days i have made my brother in law cry (which isn't that hard to do- he is bi-polar and hadn't had his meds in 3 days) and have managed to alienate my father (who needed to be alienated, believe me)... that being said my little bean may be down one grandpa and an uncle. My brother in law's wedding is this weekend. There is no such thing as "making his fiancee happy" it's not doable. My sister in law and I have been subjects to this flying ball of unplanned $10,000 manic depressive materialistic fit throwing from both the bride and the groom for about 7 months now...all i have to say if you see me or her crying at the wedding it won't be because we're so happy for the bride and groom it will be because the wedding is over. if he ruins this one we will gun him down and bury the body in the deepest of kentucky mines before we go to wedding #3- just to forewarn you!

stuck in the middle with you...

first of all i love you all and if you're having a rough ttc week- you probably need to skip my pregnancy rant...

sometimes it's hard to remember the months of negative home pregnancy tests and temping and checking my cervical position and i forget to remind myself how undeniably lucky i am to have a baby on the way. i've been giving myself a hard time today for three reasons- 1) EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE on my ddc is having a boy, 2) i've had too much sugar today and 3) I can't find a single person anywhere that likes the name that dh has picked for his half of the hypothetical girl's name and i don't know how i feel about it. these are all very petty, very whiney things and i know it. first of all, as i have said numerous times, i really think i'm having a girl. that's what i tell people when they ask me that's what i dream about all the time and up until this last round of ultrasounds i was perfectly fine with having a little girl. before i got pregnant the first time i wanted a boy so bad i could taste it- the "family name" business is very popular with dh's family- even though it's the 12th most common last name in the US all i have heard is "boys"...I'm sorry old biddy aunts of dh's - dh has a brother and a sister...dh's dad had one brother and 5-count them 5 sisters- the odds of us having a boy is slim they need to accept that and back off. all of our friends have boys- and give me that "less than acceptable" look if i talk about little girl stuff. I'm sorry guys- not every baby can be male! so the plethora of boys parading around my ddc is really bothering me- there's like maybe 2 girls on there now that are having girls other than that it's a total sausage fest and i'm feeling a little left out. DH and I had planned to combat our familial disappointment by either not finding out what we were having or not telling. neither of us a personally disappointed about having a little girl we're just glad to be pregnant! that being said, i don't know why it seems like people in our society are less than excited for you when you have a girl. I think the core of the issue is that i'm having trouble attaching to my baby. i love being able to feel it wiggle and move but december seems like forever away and my friends are taking one of two approaches- they are either not talking about it at all or it's all they talk about. so either it doesn't exist or i don't.

second- i've had a lot of sugar today and thus feel like crap which is probably why i'm whining.

third- i do not like the name my dh picked out as his "half" of the name for our daughter. he won't budge. i told him it can go on the birth certificate but i'm NOT calling her that. He wants to name her Glenda after his aunt that passed away from cancer after we got married. I just don't want her to grow up being Glenda the good witch... and i can't find anyone who likes it. though i don't tend to regard other people's opinions in anything i do if i could find one other person who genuinely thought that it wasn't literally the worse name in the book and that my daughter would damn me for hell fire and all eternity for naming her that i would feel a little better. It has met a ton of opposition on my ddc and the name room and with my irl friends and family so i just quit talking about it. what do you do when one parent is so insistent about a name? shouldn't dh get some say in our daughter's name?

sorry to rant- i'm done. my apologies. i understand that these are not real issues and that they are in fact probably the three pettiest things I could blog about, but if i don't talk to you guys there's really no one left.

stroller derby and shorts

I put on a pair of shorts last night that I wore on my trip to Michigan (the last weekend of june) and I couldn't button them- couldn't have thought about buttoning them if I tried. It was so funny. Being that I am down to one pair of jeans, a pair of work slacks and one none elastic band pair of shorts I broke down and bought maternity clothes. I already had some that my friend gave me, but I was bottoms shy. Fortunately JC Penny is having a ginormous clearance sale right now so I got 2 pairs of slacks and a skirt that I will probably never wear for $30.00. Score!

Dh and I then realized that the only thing that we really need for this baby that isn't being purchased for us by a grandparent to be or given to us by a friend is a stroller, so we took a quick stroller tour through toys r us- (so NOT willing to drive across town to babies r us yet) and to me all of the strollers in our price list looked extremely flimsy. Even the Cadalliac baby strollers with the detachable car seats- everything is plastic- i need like tires and shock absorbers and 15 straps to keep my kid in place but those strollers are ghastly- could buy diapers for 5 months- expensive. So I dunno. I had this double stroller when I was nannying that the wheel kept coming off of and I can't remember the name of it. Watching dh try to collapse and reassemble the strollers was so funny though- i'm sure the security cameras got a HUGE kick out of watching him. First he didn't take the car seat out of it and then he wondered why it wouldn't collapse. it seriously took him about 15 minutes to figure this out.

On the lighter side of the news- bean is definitely moving around now...Up until this point it's been a "was that the baby" kind of flutters...well...today I snuck a Mr. Pibb (don't tell dh he'll have a fit) just a small one and like an hour later I am pretty sure that lo was doing the calypso in my belly. So yeah! I hit 16 weeks on thursday- 4 months down- 5 to go!

the first must have...

i'm actually not lusting over food tonight. I would like to start my list of things that you must have when you are preggo. Though a couple of members of my ddc HATE it, I went out and bought a snoogle. It's a giant wrap around body pillow- kinda looks like a huge ear. It is literally the most comfortable thing I have ever slept on in my life. I have had a lot of issues waking up recently with a back ache and then again when dh comes to bed then again when the dehumidifier turns itself off and then again when my bladder gets full. The past two nights- NADA!!!!! I swear it puts me in some sort of coma. The one time that i did wake up was to fix the dehumidifier (because I can't sleep without my white noise) but- no back aches! I no longer wake up at 6 am praying that my spine will go ahead and split in half! I don't toss and turn all night- because you can't without some serious effort and most importantly (especially to my wonderful overconcerned husband) it keeps me from sleeping on my back- the last of the few pleasures I have remaining that he has taken away...Finally rest! I actually told my non-pregnant friend to go get one for her dh who has the same back issues and some snoring issues- i don't see why it has to be just for pregnant chicks. In fact, if the snoogle people really knew what they were doing, they would make the lower middle section heatable and market it for menstral cramps! So this is my new product! It is now my official baby shower gift for my close friends!

night at friend's house leads to legal questions...

We went over to our friends' house to see their 4 month old who is gorgeous and CHUNKY! i love him- he looks like the gerber baby and the michelin baby all rolled into one! and when he pouts he sticks out that bottom lip and his whole face looks like you just broke his heart! well, to our surprise they asked us to be their babies godparents (in the church sense...not in the legal sense). James and I believe in God but aren't really church goers so we were both really surprised when they asked us to be there to provide their son with spiritual guidance. We were both really touched! But it also spurred a discussion as to what we would do with our little one if something actually happened to both of us. We started going through our list of friends and can't find a couple that we could consider leaving our baby with- most of them are either too unstable in their own marital lives, are single, are way too strict and compulsive, or don't want children. So we're really having a hard time with this. We know that we want to give dh's sister a right of first refusal with the baby, but she's only 23 and not married and doesn't have a stable job but will be stable within the next 5 years, we just have to find "back up" in case she's not ready. We just don't know how to choose!