it's 5:30 do you know where your pregnant wife is?

James decided to develop a head cold last night so i spent most of christmas eve with a chainsaw buzzing in my ear....thus when 5:30 came around and Amelia got hiccups and the chainsaw was buzzing I just said F it and got up. Another year with no baby at christmas. I told James that i vowed that next year we will have a kid at christmas- i have to be close to reaching my goal. But in those few hours before I got up I started thinking about my friend and his wife. They were due 12/22 and (i'm pretty sure i posted) that they delivered their baby girl at 23w1d and she lived for 7 hours before she passed away in September. My friend works with the wife and i work with the husband. He had stopped into work this past tuesday (the 22nd) to say hi and i was training my replacement and didn't get to have my normal heart to heart with him. It's really been bothering me. My friend that works with the wife said that the wife's sister pulled up in her station wagon Wednesday night with presents almost spilling out of the car for the 2 year old and while I'm sure they're going to have a great holiday I know in the back of the wife's mind she's thinking the same thing I am- that their 2 year old daughter didn't get the one present she really wanted- her baby sister. so now i'm all depressed. I can't believe what a very weird year 2009 has been. I think 2009 has literally been the height of my highest high and my lowest low. Fortunately I have great friends, a wonderful husband and a God that accepts prayers at all hours of the day. This christmas I feel almost complete and half-empty at the same time. Last night before we went to bed James read the Night before christmas to amelia and i just remember looking at my bump thinking "why are you not here yet?" if anything god has attempted to teach me patience this year...failed miserably but is still trying. And as nervous as I am about Monday, it can't get here fast enough!